Maybe its entering my 30's, maybe its because of my search for some time now for this elusive elixir called happiness, maybe its new year resolutions time, maybe its long drinking sessions with close friends on philosophies of life, maybe it talking to my lovely wife or maybe its reading Herman Hesse's Siddhartha just before writing this post or all of the above - I'm feeling a sense of calm and contentedness flow over me, like the river in the book which ebbs and flows and is at peace with its existence, which I haven't felt in a long long time.
I realize now that the search itself was what was hindering me in finding it. I had been feeling uninspired lately to write. You can clearly see that from the decreasing quantum of material on the blog. I was feeling lost with my own inability to find the right words to put my thoughts down. Sometimes an emotion tugged at me and I wrote but mostly I was silent on the outside and burning inside, waiting to explode. I was even feeling ashamed of the poor formulation of my thoughts. But I feel a sense of freedom now. No, I don't think I have found this thing called happiness, but maybe, just maybe, I have found the path. And sorry this is not something I can share for like its written in the book - everyone follows their own path. "Knowledge can be shared, Wisdom, not so much" to re quote Herman Hesse less eloquently.
This much I can say - don't try hard in life to look for happiness - do the things that make you happy and life will find you. I don't even know if that's a quote that exists or not.If yes, then all credit to that someone, but I'm sure a lot of people before me have found this to be true and would have expressed this feeling in similar fashion and hence the idea itself is not new.
But understanding the idea took its own sweet time with me. Now that I have , I hope that I can gain something for this rare introspection. Its ironic in a way cause anyone who knows me - the word introspection is something they would consider I'm far far removed from. But surprise surprise, its here and I wish to attempt to take that leap of faith into this new found wisdom and try to take it where it leads me on wards from now on. And maybe you are on your own journey yourself (by googling the title of this blog ) and have stumbled upon this blog in the eternal world of the Internet. May you find your own way of interpreting this idea.
Don't get too worried - my family and friends who know me in real life. This doesn't mean I'm changed. I'm just more free to be me and enjoy that in its pure unadulterated version. So watch out - Will the real Vivek please stand up question has been answered - The real Viveks have stood up and be prepared to see all and hopefully I find that elixir when all this is said and done.
PS : In case you didn't get the hint -read Siddhartha by Herman Hesse :-) Cheers and Thank you for all the Fish. Wait that's Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy. Ahh well - now you know my fusion style ;-)